Actual happiness for no apparent reason
My mother was so visually sensitive
that if a painting was off kilter on the wall, she felt ill. Certain shades of taupe left her nauseated. She was an abstract painter and an art teacher and tried to convey this uneasiness to nearly everyone in her life. Was it to try to prevent so many awful visual mishaps in her world? Was it to get our sympathies? Was it to enlist our help in fixing the terribleness all around? I was her daughter. I was baffled. Irritated. And then amused.
But I understood, more and more, that this was not just someone objecting. She really did feel ill. She really got anxious. There was no filter of distraction between the seer and the seen, and no filter between the seen and the felt. The body was an instrument of the eye.
And here I sit, still her daughter, and I am completely in the throes of joy at looking at a quilt folded up on a white table in the light. She never told me there were perks to this affliction.
2.04.2011
2.02.2011
Pent up Slam
What happens when I let Slam outside for a moment —
He plants himself in the I am Ready for Anything Right Now Yes Yes I AM stance. Hind legs slightly apart for maximum instant impulsion into air. Head slightly tilted and ears wide, the better to catch the instant I think of something for him to do. Front legs planted, but ready to spring (note pink bandage on wounded leg. regarding pink, see post before this one. I did not ask the vet for pink, but pink I got.)
Wait: did she say plotz? Should I instantly spring and stretch into my most sphinxlike Schutzhundian plotz? Okay, here goes. Slow motion perfect plotz coming right up.
Wait. No. She didn't She is just standing there. She is saying Slam, chill out. You'll mess up the wound. Slam, easy. E - a - s - y.
So what does my black lightning in the form of a 3 year old working line shepherd on restricted duty do? Digs, with his front paws, including the wounded leg, right into the heavy snow, chucks it up behind him in one big frustrated whoosh. He was, at that moment, a canine snowblower. I was, at that moment, pissed. This wound of his, this giant ragged tear across his leg, is healing. But it has to be s t i l l .
Enter the marrow bone pacifier. The gigundousest hunk of bone I can find, administered daily, for said turbocharged hairy maniac to grind down. And then, amazingly, he is calm. As am I. And yes, I know. That one time I didn't grab the leash. That once.
What happens when I let Slam outside for a moment —
He plants himself in the I am Ready for Anything Right Now Yes Yes I AM stance. Hind legs slightly apart for maximum instant impulsion into air. Head slightly tilted and ears wide, the better to catch the instant I think of something for him to do. Front legs planted, but ready to spring (note pink bandage on wounded leg. regarding pink, see post before this one. I did not ask the vet for pink, but pink I got.)
Wait: did she say plotz? Should I instantly spring and stretch into my most sphinxlike Schutzhundian plotz? Okay, here goes. Slow motion perfect plotz coming right up.
Wait. No. She didn't She is just standing there. She is saying Slam, chill out. You'll mess up the wound. Slam, easy. E - a - s - y.
So what does my black lightning in the form of a 3 year old working line shepherd on restricted duty do? Digs, with his front paws, including the wounded leg, right into the heavy snow, chucks it up behind him in one big frustrated whoosh. He was, at that moment, a canine snowblower. I was, at that moment, pissed. This wound of his, this giant ragged tear across his leg, is healing. But it has to be s t i l l .
Enter the marrow bone pacifier. The gigundousest hunk of bone I can find, administered daily, for said turbocharged hairy maniac to grind down. And then, amazingly, he is calm. As am I. And yes, I know. That one time I didn't grab the leash. That once.
1.27.2011
Obsessed with the color of smoke and the color of blood.
My dog got injured last week. It was Martin Luther King Day. Not going to go into the hows and whys. And he's fine, and I'm fine, and we're all fine, all 11 of us not counting the chickens, which would make 22 of us, not counting the pigeons, which would make 154 or so of us, depending on what babies have hatched and are now swaddled under the down of pigeon parents.
So maybe it's the color of pigeons, or the average color of pigeons, and the color of blood. My dog, Slam, the black one, got a rip in his leg that was a bona fide rip. No more details for the squeamish out there, and I guess for me, because I keep seeing that sight: the red state within the black fur, really. It was shaped like the state of ohio. I did not take a picture. But I am living with a whole slideshow, can't erase it. And thus, somehow, am obsessed on a kind of neuronical level with the colors red and black and gray and silver and red. And dark red.
In the book right now, there are mechanations on the main gal's part of clean up the cabin. The bathroom towels are to be cleaned, only the wolf steals them while she's got her back turned. The wolf being the house wolf, whose name is Hamish, after the ham sandwiches he preferred, at first, to anything else. Ham is a kind of pinkish reddish color and this wolf is an ashy to fog color of grey and silver. And the towels, I have written, are salmon pink. I can't get away from it. To get my mind off things and into things I make treasuries, like all the other happy obsessives on etsy (we're a happy, obsessive, global slumber party, aren't we). And lately they are all red and grey. For samplings, keep going.
Labels:
birds,
catskills,
coffee,
disaster,
dogs,
etsy,
ideaphoria,
inspiration,
luncheonettevintage,
ob,
obsession,
olivebridge,
The novel,
wolf
bursting heart etsy treasury
{thanks to kipi for the title}
Bursting Heart - Or... $43.00 | ROSEY PASTILLE Earr... $24.00 | Metal Airplane - 19... $ |
Vintage 1980s Multi... $26.00 | Vintage Red Tin Box... $9.50 | 1940s "matrix&... $219.00 |
Vintage Men's R... $65.00 | SALE Red Plaid Ther... $8.00 | Dragonfly Vintage G... $7.00 |
Vintage Framed Hors... $62.00 | Pendleton cranberry... $24.00 | Vintage Indian Moto... $45.00 |
BLACK CHERRY earrin... $18.00 | Mens Western Medall... $35.00 | INTRO OFFER - 7 Red... $3.00 |
Treasury tool is sponsored by Lazzia.com.
'sailor girl {smoke and blood treasury}' by Luncheonettevintage
that night she lay dreaming as the dog watched. a road, like an ocean through the windshield. she remembered the headlights, an angel somewhere in the sky, come to water the red flower in the snow.
Miu $16.99 | Fisherman's Kno... $10.00 | Longing Ring $30.00 |
40% OFF Winter SALE... $18.00 | Vintage Camera .. K... $78.00 | Sailor Girl Necklac... $19.00 |
Deesse Collection -... $72.00 | Handmade Silver Cup... $27.00 | love. - Word Pendan... $35.00 |
Brown Dress with Ho... $78.00 | Hydrangea, Snownere... $30.00 | He who holds the ke... $19.00 |
dusty rose red fabr... $10.00 | Modern Stripes Scar... $82.00 | Dark Foggy Night wi... $15.00 |
Treasury tool is sponsored by Lazzia.com.
1.10.2011
![]() |
| victorian wolf skull engraving, slinkymalkinicat |
In the meantime
what is that, that word, meantime. mean as in between time and time? mean as in the middle of time? in the middle of the time that was passing anyway? and is it spent meanly, as in thinly, as in hungrily and not eatingly enough?
in the meantime while Rena was running away from the hollow and getting in the truck to head northwards and run into the deer, a wolf was eating its way through a chain link fence. the night she waylaid Hal McGellan, who stopped his truck, loaded up the wounded but not dead dear, and took her to the safety of a hotel run by his cousins, he was supposed to be going to find that wolf. but in the meantime, the wolf found its way into the woods. a few miles into the woods from the highway, actually. in the meantime.
This is just something that happened, in the meantime, in the book, as it is unfolding. A world unfurling like an Azuma fan, those brilliant tissue paper colors opening, opening further, further still. there is so much to cover. so many in the meantimes. the dots are a physics problem, 4 dimensions, maybe 5, to connect.
Balls in the air. 6 burners going. gangbusters. Insomnia would be my friend, were I in the mood to dance all night with all the happenstances. Mr. Meantime, meet Rena, the ultimate meantimer.
Labels:
fiction,
hal,
Hal McGellan,
Miranda Shotwell,
The novel,
The Shorthand of Faith,
wolves
1.09.2011
Still not an occasional thing but a related thing
meaning, to the prospect of having a better kitchen. while dreaming, I conjured up this by trolling through the etsyverse. it's called dream kitchen and you can find the real items as they are listed in the flesh by clicking on that "this" link.
meaning, to the prospect of having a better kitchen. while dreaming, I conjured up this by trolling through the etsyverse. it's called dream kitchen and you can find the real items as they are listed in the flesh by clicking on that "this" link.
1.07.2011
Not a candlestand
Vintage sometimes presents enough of a hint of its original purpose to contradict assumptions; to steer you away from easy conclusions. Or, simply, I am ignorant. So it was with this, and so it was with me.
I found it while going through a box of castoffs at a thrift shop. It's part of the whole vintage discovery process; first, the shop; then, its threshold: hazy with the dust of old videocassettes evaporating into the stale air; sometimes a radio warbling from overhead; sleepy clerks; that strange gray overcast under the dim charity bulbs. Then, the mining begins. For some reason, I was in a box mood. There was a box, by the LPs that were in their own box. When 27, I would have dug into that LP box as if I were the first to discover Pet Sounds on vinyl. That was so then.
This box was marked Misc. Misc. in vintage can mean a lot of things, but it mostly means mystery. Promise. Miscstery. Promisce. In this box, at first, were just discards: cards of discount earring studs, a cloth purse with a rotten corner, a pleather purse riddled with adhesive gunk, a sneaker (a sneaker with another s on the end is a useless object), rubber-banded jumbles of old pharmeceutical logo pens, unloved paperbacks with ragged ears, a cutoff Fame style sweat shirt and some pinned-together sweat socks that smelled of foot powder. Then, for some reason, I thought of my father, who often tucks fragile things like Leica lenses into his socks. And so I — fondled — the socks. Quietly. Discreetly. There is a fine line between vintage treasure hunter and hoarder of things like singular sneakers, I fear, and sometimes I wonder how easy it is to cross it. But sure enough, tucked into one of the socks was this.
The find.
After the find, there is often the — feign. After you find what may be something amazing, you call upon the karmic treasure gods by not really focusing on it — as if somehow, by calling attention to it, you'll magically alter its price, or its something. So instead you avoid investigation. You gloss. You feign disinterest, lest someone notice you.
You deposit your object in the cart, or the basket, or the bag, as casually as you can, projecting disinterest, and you keep moving. I assumed I had just found a candlestick holder and satisfied enough, header for a fake leopardskin hat that turned out to be late 1990s awful. Hours later, got home. That's where you get to check the take. Do the take check.
I spread it all across the kitchen table (a yard sale find, 1950s chrome legs, flecked green and white formica top with a leaf pattern, heart be still). Put away the sweaters, the skirt, the dress, the coat, the cooking with cheese book. And I took a closer look at this candlestick.
Blue speck on the scenic reprint: what's that? It looked like ink. A blot of ink. Scene reprint: it turned out to be Holland Pier, Rockaway Beach. But when? Gilding, cobalt glaze. Old. Man in hat and suspenders. Men don't stand around in hats and suspenders since a long time ago. There was a Boardwalk Empire on a Sunday afternoon look to it. I googled. Found these:
The first was clearly The Scene on the candlestick thing. The second seemed a bit newer, but was really taken, originally, from slightly further along the pier. The third had a white instead of a green fence. Still, more proof. I could almost hear the gulls, smell the salt, the water, hear the quiet that must have been then.
So it was old, this candlestick thing with the ink spot on the scene. And it was a souvenir from Rockaway Beach, back when Rockaway Beach was a real resort. And it has a horseshoe, a kind of lucky horseshoe, and I knew from some old file folder in the back left of my brain that back in the 19-oughts, resorts often sold souvenirs with things like lucky horseshoes on them. And they tended to serve 19-ought type of functions. And also back in those days, there were oil lamps and gas lights. Not too many candles. Someone trips on the edge of her nightgown, the candle lands on the lace curtains, and whoosh goes the pier. So this had to be something else.
It says Germany on the back. I stared at it for a few minutes. The dogs were sleeping, so I could think. I stuck a very standard sized candle in the hole of the well-type part. Candles, amazingly, according to a friend of mine who could be called a wax historian, have not changed that much. Already the idea of it holding a candle was a dimming possibility. And the candle didn't fit. And that blotch in the bowl.
Spot of ink. Horseshoe shape. I googled around and found this.
There's the search, the find, the feign, the take, the long think. And then the stumble, the google, the google some more, and finally, the i.d. Germany, it turned out, owned the market for blue porcelain souvenir inkwells with scenes on them. Imagine a guy in shirtsleeves held up with garters, penning his order for 100 porcelain horsehoe inkwells printed with the postcard enclosed, sincerely, Messr. Somebody whose brother posed for the picture in hat and suspenders.
Danke. And you can find the find here.
Vintage sometimes presents enough of a hint of its original purpose to contradict assumptions; to steer you away from easy conclusions. Or, simply, I am ignorant. So it was with this, and so it was with me.
I found it while going through a box of castoffs at a thrift shop. It's part of the whole vintage discovery process; first, the shop; then, its threshold: hazy with the dust of old videocassettes evaporating into the stale air; sometimes a radio warbling from overhead; sleepy clerks; that strange gray overcast under the dim charity bulbs. Then, the mining begins. For some reason, I was in a box mood. There was a box, by the LPs that were in their own box. When 27, I would have dug into that LP box as if I were the first to discover Pet Sounds on vinyl. That was so then.
This box was marked Misc. Misc. in vintage can mean a lot of things, but it mostly means mystery. Promise. Miscstery. Promisce. In this box, at first, were just discards: cards of discount earring studs, a cloth purse with a rotten corner, a pleather purse riddled with adhesive gunk, a sneaker (a sneaker with another s on the end is a useless object), rubber-banded jumbles of old pharmeceutical logo pens, unloved paperbacks with ragged ears, a cutoff Fame style sweat shirt and some pinned-together sweat socks that smelled of foot powder. Then, for some reason, I thought of my father, who often tucks fragile things like Leica lenses into his socks. And so I — fondled — the socks. Quietly. Discreetly. There is a fine line between vintage treasure hunter and hoarder of things like singular sneakers, I fear, and sometimes I wonder how easy it is to cross it. But sure enough, tucked into one of the socks was this.
The find.
After the find, there is often the — feign. After you find what may be something amazing, you call upon the karmic treasure gods by not really focusing on it — as if somehow, by calling attention to it, you'll magically alter its price, or its something. So instead you avoid investigation. You gloss. You feign disinterest, lest someone notice you.
You deposit your object in the cart, or the basket, or the bag, as casually as you can, projecting disinterest, and you keep moving. I assumed I had just found a candlestick holder and satisfied enough, header for a fake leopardskin hat that turned out to be late 1990s awful. Hours later, got home. That's where you get to check the take. Do the take check.
I spread it all across the kitchen table (a yard sale find, 1950s chrome legs, flecked green and white formica top with a leaf pattern, heart be still). Put away the sweaters, the skirt, the dress, the coat, the cooking with cheese book. And I took a closer look at this candlestick.
Blue speck on the scenic reprint: what's that? It looked like ink. A blot of ink. Scene reprint: it turned out to be Holland Pier, Rockaway Beach. But when? Gilding, cobalt glaze. Old. Man in hat and suspenders. Men don't stand around in hats and suspenders since a long time ago. There was a Boardwalk Empire on a Sunday afternoon look to it. I googled. Found these:
![]() |
| Entrance to Holland Pier, Rockaway Beach, postcard from 1912 |
![]() |
| Holland Ave. Pier, Rockaway Beach, postcard sent in 1918 |
![]() |
| Holland Dock Pier, Rockaway Beach, postcard sent in 1908 |
The first was clearly The Scene on the candlestick thing. The second seemed a bit newer, but was really taken, originally, from slightly further along the pier. The third had a white instead of a green fence. Still, more proof. I could almost hear the gulls, smell the salt, the water, hear the quiet that must have been then.
So it was old, this candlestick thing with the ink spot on the scene. And it was a souvenir from Rockaway Beach, back when Rockaway Beach was a real resort. And it has a horseshoe, a kind of lucky horseshoe, and I knew from some old file folder in the back left of my brain that back in the 19-oughts, resorts often sold souvenirs with things like lucky horseshoes on them. And they tended to serve 19-ought type of functions. And also back in those days, there were oil lamps and gas lights. Not too many candles. Someone trips on the edge of her nightgown, the candle lands on the lace curtains, and whoosh goes the pier. So this had to be something else.
It says Germany on the back. I stared at it for a few minutes. The dogs were sleeping, so I could think. I stuck a very standard sized candle in the hole of the well-type part. Candles, amazingly, according to a friend of mine who could be called a wax historian, have not changed that much. Already the idea of it holding a candle was a dimming possibility. And the candle didn't fit. And that blotch in the bowl.
Spot of ink. Horseshoe shape. I googled around and found this.
| Souvenir inkwell from early 20th century. |
Danke. And you can find the find here.
1.02.2011
This is not an occasional thing.
Years ago I used to make sure to write celebratory writings on the occasion of a celebration of an occasion. In other words, back in the days when my head was clearer, before the fuzz began to lay along the meridians and frollocks of the brain and the world didn't quite seem so muddy. On the occasion of the new year, for instance, I'd write something resolutionary. Though even then, back when I had short hair, sometimes very short, and big eyes, sometimes very big, and sported a generally slightly bored look, I wasn't bored. I was consternated: our new year is not necessarily their new year and their new year is not those other people's new year and so is it really the demarcation of anything?
That was probably a sign of early onset. Meanwhile, the helliday tide of family joy and angst (— someone make me up a word mixing those two and I'll send you some pie. Joyangste? Pronounced the french way? Gives a dressiness to it. Jangst? Sounds Freudian. Jongst? Isn't that the name of a famous skier who wrapped himself around a tree in Gstaad? — ) has come and gone, and with it my marathon baking session that nearly melted our kitchen wall to death. Which was a very great thing. The net result of 4 cheesecakes, 7 batches of peanut butter cookies, 4 batches of chocolate chip, a killer batch of twice-baked shortbread, a whole herd of jelly kiss cookies and lots of satellite batches ungapatchka'd together from leftover sturm und drang is an accelerated Kitchen Renovation Plan.
Apparently, and this is switching into confessional blaggage over here so forgive me or skip, I have been, um, yelling for a couple of years about the kitchen. I have no recollection of yelling. Maybe a goddamit the fiftieth-whazztheyeffith time my knife fell between the crack between the dingy 9th-hand tiny stove and the loose scrap of faux formica counter (color: burned marshmallow, from years of someone who apparently liked to flambé her toast), and I therefore had to fish it out using the handle of the swiffer, teasing a mound of old yam shavings and dog hair and vintage mysterianisms into the middle of the kitchen floor where, somewhere in their greasy midst, was the knife.
Maybe, sure, just a little, little curse when the linoleum backsplash absorbed the boiling over tomato-based sweet and sour chicken soup instead of deflected it. Maybe a tiny little noise when the cardboard box of teabags plummeted from the cabinet over the sink into the soaking soup pot, endowing some very fancy Japanese tea with an unwanted iridescent lavender-eucalyptus cast. Just a little squeak.
Worth mentioning, however, that the stove has tantrums. What come are strange spikes in temperature from the oven: bake at 325º can become char at 600º if you're not there to monitor, to cajole, to turn, to readjust. That may have had something to do with the melted wall. And since a marathon baking session is also like pulling triple shifts as a museum guard in the Picasso galleries when the psychotics had their field trip, I may have been a bit distracted from the whole wall thing. Which I did. And was. I was a guard at the Museum of Modern Art, and I did once chase a deranged man through the catacombs between the fake walls during the blockbuster Picasso show.
It's a good thing the wall finally melted. Melting walls speak so much louder than quietly unyelling cooks. But FYI in the spirit of the luncheonette we are not buying the veneer farm or the New New New this or the Shaker farmhouse look or the up-the-value-of-the-house thing. We are not going to spend thousands. I am hoping to keep the atomic-modern metal base cabinet underneath the 1940s sink, and the 1940s sink, and the 1950s'cabin pantry closet, though all are a little — scabby. But the horizontal beadboard trimmed with scraps, the warbled strips of wood paneling, the linoleum backmelt, the 1970s vinyl faux stone floor tiles that shifted during the Big Melt (the ones around the stove sort of skated around), are gone yesterday. There is retrofunctional and vintage workable and then there is junkyard dysfunctional. Stay tuned.
Years ago I used to make sure to write celebratory writings on the occasion of a celebration of an occasion. In other words, back in the days when my head was clearer, before the fuzz began to lay along the meridians and frollocks of the brain and the world didn't quite seem so muddy. On the occasion of the new year, for instance, I'd write something resolutionary. Though even then, back when I had short hair, sometimes very short, and big eyes, sometimes very big, and sported a generally slightly bored look, I wasn't bored. I was consternated: our new year is not necessarily their new year and their new year is not those other people's new year and so is it really the demarcation of anything?
That was probably a sign of early onset. Meanwhile, the helliday tide of family joy and angst (— someone make me up a word mixing those two and I'll send you some pie. Joyangste? Pronounced the french way? Gives a dressiness to it. Jangst? Sounds Freudian. Jongst? Isn't that the name of a famous skier who wrapped himself around a tree in Gstaad? — ) has come and gone, and with it my marathon baking session that nearly melted our kitchen wall to death. Which was a very great thing. The net result of 4 cheesecakes, 7 batches of peanut butter cookies, 4 batches of chocolate chip, a killer batch of twice-baked shortbread, a whole herd of jelly kiss cookies and lots of satellite batches ungapatchka'd together from leftover sturm und drang is an accelerated Kitchen Renovation Plan.
Apparently, and this is switching into confessional blaggage over here so forgive me or skip, I have been, um, yelling for a couple of years about the kitchen. I have no recollection of yelling. Maybe a goddamit the fiftieth-whazztheyeffith time my knife fell between the crack between the dingy 9th-hand tiny stove and the loose scrap of faux formica counter (color: burned marshmallow, from years of someone who apparently liked to flambé her toast), and I therefore had to fish it out using the handle of the swiffer, teasing a mound of old yam shavings and dog hair and vintage mysterianisms into the middle of the kitchen floor where, somewhere in their greasy midst, was the knife.
Maybe, sure, just a little, little curse when the linoleum backsplash absorbed the boiling over tomato-based sweet and sour chicken soup instead of deflected it. Maybe a tiny little noise when the cardboard box of teabags plummeted from the cabinet over the sink into the soaking soup pot, endowing some very fancy Japanese tea with an unwanted iridescent lavender-eucalyptus cast. Just a little squeak.
Worth mentioning, however, that the stove has tantrums. What come are strange spikes in temperature from the oven: bake at 325º can become char at 600º if you're not there to monitor, to cajole, to turn, to readjust. That may have had something to do with the melted wall. And since a marathon baking session is also like pulling triple shifts as a museum guard in the Picasso galleries when the psychotics had their field trip, I may have been a bit distracted from the whole wall thing. Which I did. And was. I was a guard at the Museum of Modern Art, and I did once chase a deranged man through the catacombs between the fake walls during the blockbuster Picasso show.
It's a good thing the wall finally melted. Melting walls speak so much louder than quietly unyelling cooks. But FYI in the spirit of the luncheonette we are not buying the veneer farm or the New New New this or the Shaker farmhouse look or the up-the-value-of-the-house thing. We are not going to spend thousands. I am hoping to keep the atomic-modern metal base cabinet underneath the 1940s sink, and the 1940s sink, and the 1950s'cabin pantry closet, though all are a little — scabby. But the horizontal beadboard trimmed with scraps, the warbled strips of wood paneling, the linoleum backmelt, the 1970s vinyl faux stone floor tiles that shifted during the Big Melt (the ones around the stove sort of skated around), are gone yesterday. There is retrofunctional and vintage workable and then there is junkyard dysfunctional. Stay tuned.
12.15.2010
Luncheonette x Sartorialist
![]() | ||||
| 1980s bittersweet boots in the warmth of the studio, luncheonettevintage |
![]() |
| same boots photographed freezing outside on the feet of this adorable girl, thesartorialist |
Labels:
catskills,
city,
etsy,
happiness,
inspiration,
l,
luncheonettevintage,
real uses of luncheonette goods,
retro,
vintage
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